dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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