you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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