i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
