That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
