Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
