If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
