On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize