hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
