Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Soap is not a condiment
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
