wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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