If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
