Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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