I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
