i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
