you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
