I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
