and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your tits are I can't wait for
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
