you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
