remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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