WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
