You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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