Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
