Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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