He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
