Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
