You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
