Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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