at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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