i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
