She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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