im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
