The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
