we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
