Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
