she woke up with a sticky ear
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
