you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
