i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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