Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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