Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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