Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You were trust falling into bushes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize