You made me cry and you don't even care
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
