oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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