from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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