apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
operation harelip BJ is a go
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
