Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
