Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
