I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
