gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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