Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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