hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
