Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
