he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
