i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
