Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
