At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
