its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
