I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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