he thought i was a dude.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
