i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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