Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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