Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
