he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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