I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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