jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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