no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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