mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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