so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
