It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
