So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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