Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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