everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
