the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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