"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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