She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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