It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They took my balls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
