so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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