so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
