Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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