I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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