Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
